Cloudy Days and Contemplation at Sophia's

Sitting here, having my traditionally lazy Saturday afternoon lunch in Rondebosch, I find that there are many things on my mind.

Cleaning up my toxic kitchen is one of them- my surrogate sisters left me a wonderful welcome-home surprise, in the form of decaying bags of garbage (that's left a patch of green growing on the wooden-floor beneath); a fridge full of turned condiments, meat and leftovers, and a microwave full of freshly spawned insects.

The place now stinks of caustic soda, incense and citronella. I'm not looking forward to a the latex gloved labour that awaits me, and as I sip my coffee, postponing the inevitable, I consider the events of the morning: RC removing her response to my open invitation to the Cheese and Wine Tasting at Bon Fromage (in reply to my harsh comment on the non-qualification of exs as good company) and, of course, the death of my grandfather; that vague stranger with whom I can't remember having a single conversation with.

Intellectually, I reason that RC is justified for being angry at me (if she is) and maybe I ought to attend my grandfather's funeral.
Emotionally, I'm indifferent to both.
The status of these two relationships are so similar - they've ended and exist only in memories that are fast fading; their protagonists keen to violate the sanctity of 'endings'; both people having hurt me (either actively or passively, as a function of doing or not-doing), both people are part of past days, a different life.

The fact is that I don't have any regrets about the way I've treated either.
I have a kitchen and drawers full of crumbs waiting for me.

So here I sit, alone, surrounded by strangers after having forced myself to like bolognaise that tastes like what dog-food must taste like. One way or another, you'll always pay for your meal.
I not languishing alone, I'm thriving. having reinvented myself, again, after having kept and discarded relationships that were worthy and worthless, repectively.

And so without any guilt or hesitation I live enjoying every moment in this, la dolce vita.